Money makes the world go around

Someone I know who is better of financially than me said the other day that just because they live in a fancy house whilst I just rent a room in a shared house doesn't mean they are better off.
I get they were trying to make a point but my first thought was - well obviously it doesn't? And how little do they know about me to think that? Especially seeing the point I was trying to make to the person at the time.
I don't think I've ever said that how much I make is in anyway related to my level of happiness and more importantly I'm not unhappy.
Don't get me wrong, there is stuff which isn't great, but all in all I'm happy to be alive. There has been parts of my life such as when I was really sick with RA and there was no way of knowing if I would get thru it, were dying didn't seem like such a crappy option, but these days what do I have to complain about, I mean REALLY complain about? I got RA but its under control. I have a roof over my head & food on my table (which is more than many people can say). Good friends and lots of hobbies, I even currently have a nice job (even thou that looks like it wont be around for much longer, but that's a story for another time) and I am a smart & capable woman (modesty is not one of my virtues). Life could be a lot worse.

To me being happy is the most important thing to strive for in your life, because you aren't going to be around for all that long and you really can't take it with you when you go. Saying that thou, some peoples ultimate happiness is money, so go them I guess, but its not mine.

With my job currently being up in the air I need to find something else to do and the main thing I've been thinking is that I should find something I really enjoy. Problem is I'm not sure there is anything I can make a living out of. Ideas being living off my jewellery or open a café. With jewellery I could try and see if I crash and burn and then look for a job if I do (which I'm guessing I would because that must be so hard, to sell enough to make a living) but if I go for a cafe that's serious responsibility to take on, main risk being that if it does fail I end up in debt and as someone who literally don't owe anyone a penny, that's a really really scary thought. However I guess the main question is, lying on my death bed (sound dramatic doesn't it). What will I be the most upset about? Not trying to see if I could do it or trying and failing?

Good vs Bad

Sometimes you look at the world and the amount of evil is enough to take your breath away. The newspapers and TV news show us stories about murderers and rapists, drug dealers and tyrants. Many times I have heard people whose opinions I value sound like they have lost the hope in humanity, in the face of this all consuming evil they just don't know how to proceed.

This blog post isn't about how hopeless things are or how evil is taking over the world, in fact it's quite the opposite. You see the thing which is easy to miss in the face of all this hate & greed is that the number of good people far out way the number of bad, it's just that good people don't generally make a lot of noise but bad people do. In fact they make so much noise that it appears to be more of them. Sure one bad person can make more damage then ten or more good people for example by blowing up a bomb or selling drugs or starting a freaking war! But whilst that is incredibly awful the fact still remains, most people are good not evil. And that is a good thing, a thing which in itself gives hope. I know that there is countless arguments about the fact that good people need to do something to stop the bad people etc. and I agree there are loads of things we could and should do.
But my point is, as long as there are more good then bad people in there world that must be something worth clinging to.

O Captain, My Captain

 

Robin Williams

1951-2014 

I don't usually get upset when someone famous die, I mean I don't know them personally so I feel like I shouldn't be. But some people, some people they make the world a brighter place for ever being in it. So whilst that means the world is a bit better than it would have been for them ever being there at all, it also means its a bit greyer for them having left.

A good person dies.
There should be an impact on the world
Somebody should notice
Somebody should be upset

That was a quote Cameron (on the TV series House) once said and it resonated with me for some reason, so much that I wrote it down at the time (years ago now) in a book I keep with quotes and when I heard about Robin it made me think of those lines again.

Its not just that I found him hilarious but there was something about him, something about the sincerity in which he made the importance of living shine thru, which sort of feels ironic now seeing he lost that I the end, and it makes me incredibly sad to think that none of us that he had helped were able to help him get that back they way he did for us.

And whilst I loved him in for his comedy my absolute favourite was actually Dead Poets Society which I watched as a teenager and for some reason it made a difference to me. Its odd because I do still find it sad but whilst it was sad it had so much hope in it and so much strength that it outweighed in part the sadness.
Now I am aware that Robin didn't write it and that I should be directing some of that toward the writer as well as the director and I truly do (thank you so much Tom Schulman & Peter Weir), but some people are the roles they play and he made John Keating. He made me want to find my verse and to know I wasn't wrong when refusing to conform.

When I found out on Tuesday I watched that movie again, and as usual I cried but this time not just for the death of Neil but for the death of Robin Williams, for him felling the same despair as Neil did and his own strength not saving him, for us not saving him.

But in the end how he died doesn't take away from what he did, and it never should do. It doesn't take away from the amazing people he portrayed or his amazing personality. His ability to improvise on the spot and in a speed that's incredible (his brain must have been working overtime all the time) and mostly his ability to make people all over the world laugh and see the beauty in life.

So Mr Williams, you will be oh so sorely missed, but what a legacy you left behind!