Saturday, 11 July 2015

I could be anywhere else but here

I was sitting doing updates on Pinterest and Etsy when I for some reason started thinking about traveling. Being so much better it's something that keeps popping up in my head, thoughts of all the places I've been and all the places I would like to go. Last year was the first year since I got sick that I traveled somewhere other than Sweden and the UK. I had two nice short trips with friends to Paris and Marrakesh. However though it's hard to explain what I mean that just doesn't feel like what I miss. I think I miss the longer trips of spending weeks in a faraway place, and I prefer smaller groups of people and am  not one for going out partying or looking in clothes shops etc, I would much rather trek through a jungle or walk through a local market. So I guess that's what I miss, I miss discovering and sleeping outside or in small hostels, I miss meeting new people and just going off somewhere on a whim (probably because that's not something I do in my day to day life). And though I feel like I shouldn't say it out loud, I miss traveling on my own...

However as I decided to cut down my hours and give my jewellery a real go I'm not sure I can afford any amazing trips anytime soon, I know it's a decision I made and I don't regret it but sometimes it still feels hard. Money doesn't bring you happiness but it would sure help.

I'm still sad a lot of my pictures got ruined when I did my big north & south America trip but realised I never posted more pics like I said I would so thought I'd add some from Ecuador. I'll post some from Peru, Bolivia and Brazil too but will do those on separate post(s) . These are obviously just some of my favorite ones from Ecuador (from the pictures that weren't lost).

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Feeling always get in the way

Currently it feels like I just worry.
I worry that I did a huge mistake following my dreams and that I will end up jobless and struggling.
I worry that I wont find another part time job after this one finishes.
I worry if i do find it it wont pay enough and that I'll hate it or suck at it.

I worry that next year I wont have anything to show for this year.
I worry that I wont be able to find a well paying full time job I like again.
I worry that I will need to start all over as no one will want to hire me for a well paid job seeing I've been flitting around low paying part time jobs for a year.

I worry that I will turn 35 this year with nothing to show for it
I worry I will never be where I want to be and that who I want to be have to stay get locked away again so I can deal with all the must haves.
I worry that I have no one to talk to about how my insides wants to burst with worry.
And I worry that I should be quiet

not say
not share
just hold it in

But I know if I don't let it out once in a while it will just grow until its an immovable object slowly chocking me to death. So I need to at least write it down and let it out, to help make sure it passes joining past fear and issues and just hope that this one is just an unreasonable fear that wont ever come to pass.